(From “What can I say now?” to “What does that say about her?”)
Imagine you’re talking with a hot girl, hanging out with her all night, and then…the moment of truth comes…you go in for the dreaded phone number, and she tells you, “No, I don’t give out my phone number.”
Yikes! You sweat up thinking, “What can I say now?”
“Should I now just walk away with my tail between my legs?”
If you even thought about that, you should take up a crowbar and batter out your brain my friend.
You see, it’s not really about the lines, what to think about to say next, or memorizing a myriad of clever lines…as a matter of fact, memorizing lines is not the ideal way you want to go.
You want to be able to devise ways to be able to come up with your own unique clever responses every time.
This is called a social structure, “your very own formula that you just plug in what she says to generate your own unique responses every time.”
Using certain social structures, you can reframe any social dynamic interaction into your favor.
Now what do I mean by “reframe”?
A “frame” is a psychological way of how your brain draws in interpretation. Reframing is giving it whole new different interpretation from the natural tendency in a positive way that will benefit you; hence, placing a brand new frame over it.
For example:
The natural tendency, “I failed at getting that girl.”, reframed to, “I learned a pricey-lesson to get that girl next time, at no cost too.”
For example, like a frame you put on around a painting to make it look radically different because the eyes draw in the entire, encompassed picture-and-frame together as one, having a different kind of frame surrounding that paining can make it look so much better, or worse, changing your perception of its value.
Think of it this way, imagine having a very stale-bland piece of artwork, but with a very shiny magnificent frame around it. Your eyes will absorb the entire thing as a whole, the picture-and-frame as 1-thing instead of 2-separate things. Because of the fancy frame, your mind will take in the art-piece as higher perceived value than it should be because of the expensive frame projecting that illusion.
The opposite is true, imagine having a well-made painting surrounded by a cheesy frame. Your eyes will absorb the entire piece work of art as crap because the frame made it perceived that way…like that painting didn’t deserve a fancy frame.
Now back to attracting and getting girls…
This is a frame you should put on your social dynamics interaction:
From…
“What should I say now?”
to…
“What does that tell me about her?”
This is the most powerful, effective frame-of-mind you can come from whenever you’re talking to girls, or people in general, when you have nothing to say next, you loose your train of thought, your mind goes blank, you’re at a lost for words, your brain freezes, etc.
Now what should you do when a girl refuses your offer, not willingly to comply, such as giving you her phone number?
Could this possibly be another girl’s shit test?
Well first of all, never fall into the frame of “What can I say now/next?”
The Assumptive Outrageousness – Social Structure
The social structure I want to show you today to reframe any testy, unpleasant social situation is “the Assumptive Outrageousness“.
This social structure of Assumptive Outrageousness will reframe everything the girl says to tease her and make her seen silly by you exaggerating your hypothetical assumptions to the extreme outrageousness…all for good fun.
Here’s the formula to plug into:
Take what the girl says, and ask yourself, “What does she just said tells me about her that I can assumedly teased her outrageously about that is playful-and-funny?“
Now back to our beginning example, you asked for a girl’s phone number, but she gives you this response, “No, I don’t give out my phone number.”
Well, that tells me outrageously assumedly that (and I’ll being assumptive about her that teases her and is playful-and-funny)…
A.) “Oh forgot to pay your bill I see? It’s ok I understand you don’t want to admit that.” 🙂
B.) “Oh so you must only have 1 contact in your phone then…your parents, and yourself don’t count.” 🙂
C.) “Oh you’re that BIG of a DEAL, think your too cool to give your number.” 🙂
Either she will give in to this and play along and you can ask for her number again later, or she will say “I don’t know you.” (typical excuse girls will give for not giving number)
This tells me that in an outrageous-assumptive way that is playful and funny, while teasing her, that she need a very long time for somebody to know her…and I do mean a very, very long time…
“Hahaha. So it takes somebody at least 20 years to know you and give out your number? I think we know each other pretty well. We talked for a bit. I know that you have gorgeous blue-eye, like wearing black, and “you don’t give out phone numbers” and “forgot to pay your bill” and “only have 1 contact in your phone”. You see that guy standing near the wall over there you haven’t talked to? Now that’s a guy you don’t know.”
Keep going along with it. Every time she doesn’t give you her phone number, tease her about it.
Remember never come from a frame, “What can I say now?”, but instead use this social structure, Assumptive Outrageousness, to reframe the scenario to “What does that say about her that is outrageously playful-and-funny and teases her?”
Bi-Winning Arguments…Sheen’s Style
As an added bonus, you can also use this “Assumptive Outrageousness” to argue with somebody.
For example, if somebody calls you, “You’re a dumbass!”
What does that person just said tells me about him/her between the line?
Well, he/she must really know what being a dumbass is all about, so I just use that right back on him..
“You must really know what being a dumbass is supposed to be like.”
Reframing social situation effectively takes a lot of practice and unexpected practices to get good at, but once you do, you will have a lot of reframing social structures that come up automatically.
You will be able to control every social interaction in your favor.
(To download the PDF version saved to your computer for easy reference, go here.)
(DOWNLOAD – The Power of Reframing to Control any Social Situation)
I think the article failed to point out what’s the end goal here – which I assume is to make outrageous assumptions with the intent of plowing through the obstacle. Won’t this sort of situation just keep hammering on the phone number issue over and over…till, what, she caves in and says ‘okay fine shut up here’s my number?’…it wasn’t clear in the article.
PUA Vault,
You do bring up a good point.
The point here is to be persistent and not give up when you hit a brick-wall and not know where to go from there; and when this happens, the frame that always comes up for guys is, “What can I say now?”
“What can I say now?” doesn’t allow as much creativity flow as the frame I’m telling you to maintain, “What does that say about her?” Basically, you’re taking a step back, and accessing the situation from a 3rd party perspective focusing on her instead of your lack of words coming out of your mouth.
It’s not just with the phone number but with any obstacle you have to hurdle through. She eventually gives in because your frame is stronger, sucking her in. Truth is…she doesn’t even have to give your her phone number. Being a woman, she could simply just reject and walk away if she were annoyed and wanted you to shut up.
When she does give you her phone number, you are interesting enough for her, and even though she gave you resistances, you managed to handle them instead of giving up, making you as somebody unique she’d probably want to hang out.
The social structure “Assumptive Outrageousness” I’m telling you to have is just a roadmap for you to use to see how you can keep taking the interaction in your favor, instead of letting it hit a dead-end causing you to be tongue-tied with the natural tendency frame of “What can I say now?”
Think of it as just a formula you plug in from using what the woman says every time to generate new responses. You have to have playful-humor incorporated in the interaction, and “the Assumptive Outrageousness” does that to avoid the annoying ‘okay fine shut up here’s my number?’ comparable to a flakey-number with her never responding to you over the phone.
That’s all what “Assumptive Outrageousness” is…a formula.
Hope that answers your question.
– Gabriel
Great article. Especially loved the use of analogies, and the overall lesson of reframing.
Love the idea of changing your mindset from a “What can I say now?” to “What does that say about her?”
If you don’t have the confidence to do this, it’s not going to matter what’s the best strategy. I do remember what you said to build confidence you need the skill first. I find in situation I’m kinda of in the middle floating in air either I have the confidence but don’t have the skill or have the skill but don’t have the confidence.
Never many guys are able to do this Gabriel, but I do think it’s a great strategy for the conversational tongue-tied.
I love the ideas you present in reframing, but I don’t find it as indepth as it should be. Mabye elaborate on this topic some more in your future segment.
I love it! Now we can veer away from the overused lines! More posts please! 🙂 Thanks!
Question I have,
For which reason do you want to give such girl pleasure of you company?
To me it seems if 90% of the guy would play it cool and `ignore` girls same ways girls do they would cave in fast 😀
Guys=Girls simple. They want interaction, sex, attention also. If they are into playing dumb shit test games cause they can not recognize simply who they dealing with perhaps I say to them ciao 😀
For girls there are positive ways to check guy out. Like ask him to dance with her in crowded restaurant. Or finger her in public place, etc
Most feminine girls do feel who is masculine and require no shit tests. Those that do well decide for yourself if those are the girls you want.
Posing a challenge does not make one more cool inside. However many guys `fall` for it 😀
Posing a challenge is used to raise one perception of him/her upwards 🙂