I want to talk about a concept I coin as “obviousation“.
Don’t worry it’s not some lame old, impractical ideas that just sound totally cool, but you can’t do anything with it. It’s extremely powerful and one of the most effective things you can know when social interacting, talking, conversing with women, and basically, with anybody.
What is obviousation?
Obviousation is “real talk”…having real talk, talking about real conversational subject-matters, with no holdbacks and being just real as possible.
(I know, I know I’m sounding pretty ganstaaa now, but obviousation is as real as you can get.)
Obviousation is the “power of being obvious.” You obvilize (stating the obvious) everything you say.
(Note to all the sensitive linguistic-junkies out there, who are complaining “obviousation” and “obvilize” are not real words”…well, they are now )
Obvilizing is a very powerful and effective yet simple trick I discovered and experimented a lot out in social gatherings to keep social interaction and verbal conversation going, break awkward silences, and build magical rapport for instant connection.
There are many practical applications you can use with this powerful concept of obviousation, but for now…I will show you how to apply it to getting rid of awkward silences in conversation when you’re talking to women, and your brain goes blank, losing your train of thought and can’t think of anything to say, and behold, the devastating awkward silence creeps up, and you hear crickets in the background.
Here is a technique I called SONA – “Saying-the-Obvious-to-Neutralize-the-Awkwardness”.
Using the “power of being obvious,” you can use the SONA to easily break the awkward silence and have a fast-crash course that cuts through all the social ruts, clutters, and barriers women put up upon meeting someone to instantly build rapid rapport to get to a deep connection.
The trick is when you run out of things to say and are in a conversation of awkward silence with women, simply admit the obvious truth that you guys both are NOT great conversationalists. This way you will never be at a lack of words to say in conversation.
For some irrational reasons, this magically breaks the tension and can even cause a laugh, “the laugh of recognition”, and you guys can both proceed the conversation naturally from here, with much more ease than before.
The best way to describe this social phenomenon is like you are hanging out with your friends you have known for a long time, and you guys are not embarrassed to admit the embarrassing obvious truth to each other; and in this case of talking to women, by saying “I guess we are not really great conversationalists.” to a woman, it catapults you guys to that same level of connection like you 2 have already known each other for that long time and with a stronger feeling of familiarity.
Ever notice why comedians are good at what they do and are funny? They are ballsy enough to state the obvious that nobody else is willing to admit, but hey they are comedians and do it in a joking way, that’s how they can get away with it.
Humor, like they say, is admitting the truth. There is a lot of truth in humor, like a dark-space of life and dark-side of the truth that nobody dares dwell into, but it’s so obvious and true, and when it’s mentioned, gets a good laugh.
These are kinds of stuffs you only say when you are not embarrassed around your friends because you guys have known each other for a while, and not worried about how you guys will come off and be judged or feel about each other because you guys are friends.
It’s like burping and farting (pardon me for being real) in front of your closet friends and you’re not concerned or bothered of them judging you, although they might complain or mock or joke on you a little bit, but they’re usually cool with it (…right?)
Therefore, when an awkward silence does come up, SONA to break the awkward silence.
An example of you’re talking to a girl, and the awkward silence comes up:
You: “OK, sooo…”
(awkwardly long silence)
You: “…so I guess we’re not really great conversationalists? You know…why is that? Are you shy? Are we not compatible? Or…are we really infatuated and nervous around each other that we can think straight?” (with a smile)
Girl: “…I don’t know…I guess?”
(Here is where you can go into a conversation about “Conversation” or go into a cold-reading.)
You: “…you know how the funny thing is when 2 people meet, they usually talk about the same old things when they meet other people, instead of going right down into the deep stuffs. I mean come on, what do people usually talk about when they talk to you? (in a humorous way, almost kind like you’re mocking the Average Joe) What’s your name? How are you? Where are you from? Blah, blah, blah…I mean where’s the good stuff?”
(The girl will laugh and acknowledge that obvious truth, and now you are right back on track, and you can go into some sort of cold-reading.)
You: “You know when 2 people are talking, and they run out of things to say, and there is this awkward silence, they will usually think they’re the bad conversationalist, but in fact, what they don’t realize is that the other person is thinking the same way too.”
For some magical reason, doing this just breaks through that barrier, that you 2 can just feel like you can talk about anything and say anything.
Also you are being the man here who is easing the same tension and awkwardness she feels from not having anything to say, or she will eventually do it for you…by “I gotta find my friend”.
After you have the conversation about “conversations”, and if there is another awkward silence, SONA again.
“So what can we talk about now? I think this time, you’re the bad conversationalist.”
Play and have fun with the awkward silences.
Here’s another example of a girl I met once, and a conversation about the weather came up:
(I know not the type of recommended topics when you talking to a girl you just met.)
Me: “Is it hot in Cali?”
Girl: “Yes, it’s really hot in California.”
Me: (interrupting her) “….you know…why are WE talking about the weather…the most boring and lamest topic only golfers talk about to their buddies on the golf field? What are we…playing golf right now?” (Stating the obvious for the both of us and smile, like we should be embarrassed. Another thing is this demonstrates confident of not being afraid of hiding the mistake.)
Girl: “…yeah, why ARE WE talking about the weather?” (She giggles.)
Me: “Let’s talk about something else.”
Girl: “Yeah, ok.”
You: “So what can we talk about?”
Girl: “I don’t know.”
Me: “I’m having a really hard time thinking of something to talk about. Help me it’s your fault!”
Girl: “How is it my fault?”
Me: “Because you weren’t being a great conversationalist, and when we were talking about the weather, you couldn’t make me change that boring subject.”
Notice how this is pretty much talk about nothing but fluff. This is the kind of things you only do with people you know for a long time when you guys are relaxed and at eased in each others’ presence, where you are not afraid to be embarrassed, contrasted to when you first meet somebody.
Now think about why when you bust a girl’s ball, literally speaking, can generate attraction?
Notice how this cuts right through the crap and socially-correct, polite conversation and into the real bonding vibe-talk, from where connection can be built.
The Power of “Obviousation”
Also another note, when you’re doing this, you always want to create a sense of “WE“ that you guys are both an insider against any embarrassment and humiliation; in this case, the awkward silence.
You: “This is really weird isn’t it?”
You: “We don’t know how to keep a conversation going?”
Also notice my previous example above regarding the weather:
Me: (interrupting her) “….you know…why are WE talking about the weather…the most boring and lamest topic only golfers talk about to their buddies on the golf field? What are we…playing golf right now?”
Basically it’s the “WE” that you state that builds the rapport, but in this one example, “This is really weird isn’t it?”, instead of being explicitly stated, the “WE” expression was implied when you asked that rhetorical question. This implication assumes that you-2 are both in your own little separate world together, oblivious to everything else in your outside surrounding.
Having just the “YOU” is kind of like an insult (“This is really weird because you have bad conversational skills”), and having just the “I“ implies you’re incompetent (“This is really weird because I have bad conversational skill”), but with expressing the “WE”, you guys both are in the same boat and have commonality (“This is really weird because we both have bad conversational skills…but who cares?”).
The thing about this is after stating the obvious, instead of trying to pretend and hide it and putting more pressure on the girl during any awkward moment, you guys are in this together, having that commonality of both feeling that embarrassment together, without worrying about being judged.
This way your vibe is in sync with the girl as one, and you guys can cut through a lot of crap by letting go of that social persona, and her defense will sharply go down, and then you guys can get straight right into the core of building a rapport getting that deep connection quickly.
Remember, never be embarrassed by the awkward silence and any embarrassing social situation moment. Try to keep this as “WE“ and “US“ situations that you guys are both in the same shoe, and that you’re OK with it.
Now you know what to do when you and a girl are running out of things to say and hit a dead brick-wall of conversational awkward silence, SONA it by admitting the obvious awkward truth and bring that obvious topic of “you guys both not having anything to say and being bad conversationalists” to the surface, and it will ease the tension and generate a laughter because it’s so obvious.
“The truth will set you free.”
Otherwise, she is going to get bored and look away, or you will start to get nervous and start fidgeting with your watch, hand or whatever…or worse, she gets weirded out and embarrassed herself by the awkwardness, and walks away from you. Moral is…be the man, and break the awkward silence and ease any awkward tension for her as well as for yourself, or she will do it for you…by walking away.
By stating the obvious, you never run out of things to say. That’s the power of obviousation, my friend.
(To download the PDF version saved to your computer for easy reference, go here.)
(DOWNLOAD – How to Break Awkward Silence)