Becoming great at socializing and turning people into your friends means that you need to master a variety of different skills. Here I’m going through the most common mistakes people make that keeps them from making close friends.
1. Trying to Gain Others’ Approval
It’s a perfectly natural feeling to want to have others accept you for who you are. With this in mind, it’s one thing to have a healthy dose of self confidence and another to seek that confidence from others. Are you conforming who you are to fit in? For example, do you alter your views on a topic or do things you don’t want to do to gain approval?
At one time or another, most of us have done those things because we want to fit in. The problem with this approach is that the people you try to please don’t accept you for who you are, they only see value in you because they can steer you to do what they want.
To prevent this from occurring you have to develop self confidence. Instead of constantly pointing to your faults, find some aspects about yourself that you do like. Focus on those and build a healthy self esteem based on the fact that you have great qualities. This can help you gain the respect of people who can become your true friends.
2. Being Self-Focused
If you solely approach others for friendship on the basis of how it will benefit you, others will notice it and stay away. Here are some things you’ll want to keep in mind that can help you prevent this behavior:
- Don’t approach others with a “me first” mentality. Instead, you need to make a genuine effort to get to know them. During small talk, ask them open ended questions about their interests and if the conversation goes well ask for their contact information.
- While it’s perfectly reasonable to reject event invitations if you have more important matters to attend to, if you constantly reject their requests and you only want to hang out when it’s beneficial to you, people will tire after a while. To attract friends, you have to be seen as an outgoing person. More on how to deal with event invitations here.
- When you do spend time with others, be open to doing things that they want to do. Now obviously, this approach has certain limitations to it. You’re not going to rob a bank with them just because they think it’s fun. However, friendship is about giving and taking. While you have to pay attention to the wish of others, the closer your friends are to you when it comes to interests, the less you have to compromise.
3. Being Judgmental
One of the easiest ways to keep others from getting close to you is by being judgmental. Whenever you talk down on an artist, a part of town or another person, you risk being in the same room as someone who has a different opinion. In most cases, you will never be aware that someone was of a different opinion, you will just have a harder time connection with that person without knowing why.
4. Not Taking Initiative
The truth is most of us are afraid to take that next step to develop a closer friendship. It isn’t from lack of want, it’s from fear of rejection or uncertainty. Sometimes, you’ll have to be the one to take that next step. For instance, if you met someone you clicked with at a party – be the first to follow-up with them. Look for an activity or an interest that you share in common.
“-Hi, it was nice to meet you last week. I’m about to buy tickets to the game that we talked about. Wanna join?”
Once the friendship develops, it can help the other person feel comfortable to the point where they take some initiative. Conversely, if you and your acquaintance are afraid to take that next step, your friendship will stay distant.
5. Not Being Genuine
One of the quickest ways to turn people away is when you are not genuine with them. Below are some things to keep in mind to keep you from making this mistake:
- Avoid trying to be someone you’re not. If you try to create this persona that doesn’t accurately reflect yourself, eventually it’s going to go away, much like your friends. Instead, embrace who you are and don’t be afraid to let others know your ideas, your interests and your dreams.
- Along with being true to yourself, you need to be true to them. When they ask for your honest opinion on a topic you should have the courage to tell them what you think.
- Another part of being genuine is keeping your word to others. If you say you are going to do something for them be sure to follow through on that promise. By doing so, you show them you are a person they can count on.
If you manage to successfully maneuver away from these pitfalls, you’re on your way towards connecting with people and turning them into your close friends. Good luck!
