Time to talk about something I called “social violation.”
I find that “not giving a shit” and am not caring you violate social standards when you’re out can work against you and is neglecting calibration.
Other gurus that tell you to just be confident and “not give a fuck” (yeah, do not give a fuck and piss on the middle of the dance floor in front of everybody and you’ll see what will happen), are leaving out the importance of social calibration.
There are 2 types of extreme:
On the low end, you obey the social norm to the extreme, and is the all technical right guy not taking risk and from standing out, what you want to get away from.
On the high end, you disobey social norm to the extreme, and is the rebellious little kid again, this might be acceptable when younger, but now you are and adult, this might make you lose respect and lower your value depending on the setting.
For social dynamic, you can do anything you want as long as you don’t violate the minimum social standards, or else you are going to wonder why you have been studying so many books and programs and still do not get any social success, until you understand certain basic social conventions.
Just like you can do pretty much anything you want as long as you don’t violate the law, even if you don’t give a shit, or else you would get your ass thrown in jail.
“Creepiness” and “weirdo” are the most common and prevalent labels placed on guys out in the field for a social violation, and when this happens, you can kiss your preselective social proof and value out the window.
When I first started, I was building my inner game and confidence, but in the process, I was also oblivious and neglected all the accepted social norms and conventions that I was major creepy and very obnoxious and lost a lot of social value once one girl tells everybody that I was the creepy guy to be avoided, and after that…no wonder why I couldn’t pick up any more girl at that venue that night, no matter how confident or ballsy I was.
I know that some people will still won’t care, and that is fine if you can handle it, but you still won’t get the girls, friends, or social life you want or worse, be socially isolated.
That is why it is so important to have at the minimum some understanding of socially accepted norms down in your surrounding to avoid social awkwardness.
Like what you normally do in a professional business meeting or family gathering will be completely different than a bar or club because there are a lot more leeway at bars and clubs to get away with more social violations.
I know that is something you probably don’t want to hear and might hamper you a little bit, but remember certain rules still apply no matter what, just like there is the “law of gravity” that you can’t ignore.
Now no need to be discouraged, you can still have fun and jump on the bar table and take up your shirt and start dancing like a maniac, as long as you don’t strip down to your birdie or intentionally hit a girl, for those are social violations and you will get thrown out of the venue…but is that the place and time suited to do that?
Once again this falls back to knowing how to calibrate to you environment and don’t always go to the extreme on one end every time, and respect the MININUM social conventions.
Social calibration is the key.