What is it about people who are very social?
They always seem to be great conversationalists and have a lot to talk about no matter how irrelevant or random the topic is, and are quick in generating responses.
Unfortunately, not all of us are socially witty and have spontaneous conversational materials to talk about every time related to a particular situation.
That’s why you want to build a large social toolbox of your mojos to avoid being the quiet one, aka your sociability.
Now you are probably thinking…
“So now I have to memorize a ton of stories, routines, and conversational materials until my mind explodes?”
No, that is the good news.
You don’t have to memorized a whole lot of routines to have tons of conversational materials if you just memorized the “structural formula” of those routines, but most importantly…develop your own social structures.
What is a “social structure”?
It is your very own structural formula for generating unique new responses in any form of social interaction.
I’m pretty sure you have heard about using canned scripted materials and routines for interacting with women and getting them attractive to you.
How about instead of memorizing the routines and canned materials…why not just learned “the formula and structure” of those canned materials and routines, so that way you can plug it into your social structure for your current particular social situation to generate new conversational materials every time on the spot.
People who are socially skilled always coming up with quick responses have, without realizing it, developed a lot of social structures built upon each other and interconnected from all the socializing they have done, making it easily and quickly for their architectural social mind to guide them in generating quick response subconsciously.
Think of it like a much more completed social blueprint for their mind, compared to those who are unskilled.
If you were a math geek like I was, do you remember the quadratic formula, well it looked something like this:
All you had to do was memorized this one little formula, and you could pretty much do all sorts of algebra problems.
One of the most famous structure in improvisation is “the yes and…” where you agree with whatever the other person said and add more details to continue the flow. Just knowing this one little formula structure, and you can act out a whole lot of improvisational scenes.
Variables Replacement Social Structure
One example I teach in my book the Art of Social Natural applies to storytelling , is that you alter the details of your story template to add the elements from your current situation into that story.
One of those structural alterations you can do to your stories to make them interesting and unique every time is Variables Replacement.
The facts and variables replacement makes the stories sound refreshingly unique and different every time. Basically, the most easy and common form of variables replacement you can alter is the time and place.
If you were just telling some mundane things to a girl that happened over a year ago just for the sake of telling it to fuel the social interaction, she would be wondering why you were telling a story that long ago…unless you had some sorts of moral lesson learned or something that impacted your life tremendously, like you almost went to jail.
The more up-to-date and modern the story is, the more impact it will have regardless how trivial it is, and I will even go as far to say that you can tell just about anything as long as it sounds like it JUST happened because it is understandable that you are still feeling the after-effect of it.
Here is a simple example if this really did happen to you and you said this to a girl:
“I saw the cutest little dog with a Mohawk 2 month ago back at when I was at home in LA! How do they pull that off?”
Now notice the difference between that first one and this second one:
“I saw the cutest little dog with a Mohawk just a second ago back at (wherever current location you are near at)! How do they pull that off?”
The first one is, “why are you telling me this now?”
The second one is more profound for it just happened to you, and she can also feel what you are feeling about a cute little dog; and as a added benefit, this can also be used as a natural simple opener, and the justification in her mind that you’re asking her is because it just happened.
Therefore, this becomes your structural story templates based on your real life, which you can tell all the time with variables replacement, and no longer do you have to memorize a whole lot of routines that are not your own:
“I saw the cutest little dog with a Mohawk __________ back at __________! How do they pull that off?”
Have general stories based on your life and experience or take an interesting story you know making it happened to you, and replace the time and place to keep them new and fresh…while keeping the story templates’ theme, event, and everything else the same.
Say for example, if something were to have happened to you 6 months ago, you could replace that variable of time, 6 months ago, to have happened this week or last week or early this month or yesterday or even early that day to keep it fresh, or they will be wondering why you are telling them something from over 6 months ago; in fact, why do you still care after 6 months?
Remember the most up-to-date the time of your story, the more impact it will have when you tell it, because it will feel like only just now since that event happened to you.
Saying Goodbye to Memorized Routines
No longer do you have to memorize a whole lot of routines that are not your own, when you plug in your present situation (where you are at in the interaction) into your social structure of your openers, stories, and other conversational materials.
Learn to recognize and be aware of social structures of not just what is attracting women, but being good with people in general, exchange stimuli of positive emotions; and it is going to help your brain make these better connections to what social structure should you use for this particular situation to get the desired outcome you want.
If you have a routine you used all the time that works for you, strip away everything else and try to understand the structure and pattern to why it works, so you can come up with new ones on your own on the spot.
Think about recognizing these social structures like building an architectural blueprint for you subconscious mind as a guide to generate quick responses.
The more structures you have recognized, the faster it is to generate these responses and think quickly on your feet, where without them your brain is stuck without the structures to guide it.
Eventually you will get to the point where you don’t have to think about them, everything will just come out of the top of your head…unconscious competent.
(To download the PDF version saved to your computer for easy reference, go here.)
(DOWNLOAD – Social Skills Mastery with Social Structures)