5.) As a male…what’s your take on the whole Pickup-Artist/Seduction Community that teaches men how to be better with women? When I started, there wasn’t any information on how to be a “socially-savvy person,” but the closest thing applicable was from learning how to meet and date women. Is there a correlation or difference between what it takes to be successful socially…and with women?
I’m very glad you asked about this. The pick-up community contributed immensely to my understanding of social interactions. Social success and success with women are so closely related that they almost end up being the same thing, in my opinion. However, I think that pick-up is so tied together with cold-approaching that sometimes it looks unappealing to a lot of guys who just want to get good social skills. My life’s purpose is to help guys that are like I used to be, so I use a lot of the knowledge I learned from pick-up and apply it to a more general lifestyle approach. Then again, I encourage everyone who wants to be socially successful in general to try out some cold-approach pick-up techniques: it’s an excellent way to quickly get social experience and self-trust.
Like I said before, being socially-savvy and getting women are deeply intertwined, with maybe some small tweaks here and there for each individual case.
6.) Although a never-ending process, what’s the most important lesson you have learned on your path to social mastery?
The most important lesson I learned is about being persistent. Persistence is definitely necessary because it doesn’t come immediately. Only persistence can get you through all the crap that people and society throw your way to keep you in your old “loser” role. Persistence will allow you to break through bad interactions and social pressures. Learning how to maintain the effort of improvement (persistence!) will extend to other areas of your life and you’ll understand that things don’t usually come easy, and that all it takes is to have a plan, stick to it, and you will get to where you want to be.
7.) For any guy coming from similar situations: not being the cool and popular kid in school TO not finding much success in our social life into adulthood, what can he do NOW as the fastest way to get results tomorrow?
I repeat it over and over as a tag line on my website: “Get out and get social!” The ultimate goal is deep-rooted self-trust and you can only get it by going out and meeting people. It’s a process where you go out and take action, and the reward is that your mind will get more and more used to all the various situations which caused issues in the past, making them second nature and making you less nervous. It’s a process; however, always keep the long term process in mind.
There’s a bunch of things you can do to get those results right now:
Assert yourself. Someone’s trying to cut in line? Call them out. Thirsty at a strangers house, but too shy to get some water? Speak up! Start treating yourself like you deserve to be treated. Asserting yourself in different social situations will help you boost your confidence almost instantly. Make eye contact. Powerful eye contact helps you grab the social bull by the horns, especially for shy guys whose default reaction to socializing is to “escape” the situation. Eye contact helps you fall into the right mindset of “this is my interaction and I’m going to engage it fully and be a cool guy”. Put yourself in social situations, sometimes the “just go out” advice seems a little vague and you need people to practice your social skills on.
Also, meeting new people means having no predefined labels. Say you’ve been labeled by the people you usually hangout with as “the shy guy,” social pressure will exist to try to keep you in that role because people are inclined to preserve social roles and status. When meeting new people you won’t have to deal with predetermined roles as everything is just trying to fall into place – roles are still being established. Find people by joining groups, classes, learning pick-up, cold approaching, expanding your social circle by hanging out with friends of friends, the possibilities are endless.
8.) You run the site http://www.socialsuccessmastery.com, where you help people achieve Social Success Mastery. How would you describe “Social Success Mastery”?
Social Success Mastery stands for the mastery of your social life, being sure that socially speaking, your life is headed on the right direction and that your social life will only get better and better every day. Taking control of your social life and transforming from socially inadequate to a fun, cool guy. Analyzing socializing to understand it fully and taking action once it’s all understood. As the shy and socially awkward guy I was, and as far as having no friends and no girls, I had always wished for someone to show me some light at the end of the tunnel. That’s the ground SSM stands on. Getting the social life you’ve always wanted is both what the website and the concept of Social Success Mastery stands for.
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