We all know that one of the main problems PUAs face is our own fear. We would all be like gods of seduction if it weren’t for our own self-limiting fears.
The most common fear men have when it comes to seducing women is approach anxiety, which is the fear of approaching. I don’t really need to explain what approach anxiety is, as I am sure you have all experienced it – the ugly feeling you have before walking over to a girl and saying “Hi, you have beautiful ears…” (Cool opener for instance) while your mind is playing tricks on you and holding you back, you become nervous and find many reasons for not doing it – you start fearing the idea of approaching her, you fear rejection.
Well, logically speaking, you should approach all the girls you find hot but that is more easily said than done. Many PUAs talk about ‘magic techniques’ for instantly removing approach anxiety, but the sad truth is that you cannot really remove something instinctual that is ingrained in us.
This means that you will not ever really get cured from it. Because one night you might feel confident, fearless and hot, where you will be approaching women and get some good results.
However there are no guarantees that you will be the same (in the same mood) the next night – your state changes all the time. This means you will have to re-conquer your fears all the time you are out approaching women. In fact, I have been in this game for a while, and let me tell you that I still fear approaching.
I don’t like the anxious feeling I get before approaching, and even sometimes, I chicken out. So like you, I have to re-conquer my fear all the time and simply just go for it. Of course, the more experienced you are the easier it will become but here are some mindsets PUAs should have when approaching that I am using when I go out cold approaching women. These mindsets WILL help eradicate approach anxiety!
*Mindset 1: The consequences of approaching*
First of all when I go out, I like to remind myself of both the positive and the negative consequences from approaching. This way I convince myself that even though I fear approaching, it is still worth the pain.
So, why do I add the “negative consequences” in my mindset? Well this is because we all know that approaching also has some negative consequences and acting like they don’t exist is simply foolish and contradicting – why would we be afraid of approaching – considering the fear of approaching is mostly due to us protecting ourselves from getting rejected, a fear of rejection – as rejection can and will happen to you many times in your journey as a pick up artist. Even pros get rejected – sad cold truth.
My mindset goes like this: let’s keep in mind that you see a beautiful woman. You haven’t approached her yet – we could then conclude that you don’t know her – and probably won’t have sex with her either. You approach her, you might get to know her and if you succeed, you are increasing the chances of having sex with her. However if you get rejected, you will simply not get to know her – so you haven’t really lost anything, you simply just didn’t win.
So the odds are way better for when you open. The reason being is that when you open you have a chance to get to know her. If you don’t open, you will NOT get to know her ever. In other words, we could say that if you aren’t opening, you are pretty much dooming yourself.
*Mindset 2: “I am just practicing – it doesn’t mean much”*
One of the main reasons why men have approach anxiety is due to their egos being challenged. Their self-feeling is now sat under risk. Human beings tend to be rather protective and don’t like leaving their own comfort zones – we are in general not risk takers.
When I started out, I was reading a lot. I was also practicing a lot. This resulted in me having high expectations of myself. I simply could not see myself failing. What really happened was that I ended up fearing rejection, a lot! At the end of the day, I didn’t really approach much. The fear of rejection was way too much, and fewer approaches by me were taking place. This was a vicious circle that had to end.
So I discovered that, if I wanted to minimize my approach anxiety, I had to remove some of the pressure. The way I did so was to convince myself that I was still learning and that failure was then just a positive aspect of the learning process.
This made me feel more at ease. I felt less pressure. While being convinced to myself that I was just practicing and learning, I also ended up experimenting more, as experimenting is also a crucial part of the learning process.
What happened was that I ended up approaching more and doing things well and most of my anxieties were by-passed (since I was just “practicing”). Well, maybe it was just practice, but I often got very good results as my anxieties were not killing my game. Important to point out with this mindset is that even though you are just practicing, you should always try to be closing – if you don’t, this whole thing is just pointless.
*Mindset 3: Rejection doesn’t mean anything!*
Just as a quick final. You should know that rejection during the approach phase doesn’t mean anything. Think about it, if you get rejected after just saying “hi”, you never really had time to convey your personality! This means that she never got to know you! You never had the opportunity to seduce her!
So there probably isn’t anything wrong with you. One of the huge mistakes PUAs do is to often analyze what they have done wrong, without really considering the fact that it might be something wrong with the woman!
Think about it! It might ease you up a little! If you get rejected after saying hello – you’re just dealing with a bitch of a women and have nothing to worry about – just move on.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Teevster (Aka TVA_Oslo) debuted in 2007 on the old mASF and is now a well-known ‘seducer’ mostly due to his unique style of game. His main tool in seduction is sex talk. According to him, insights on female sexuality and psychology are the main elements of what makes a good seducer. Beside seduction, he is studying philosophy and teaching guys how to attract women on The Male Insider.