How to Stop Being Bullied?

I received a great question from a female-reader even though I didn’t even think females read this site.

So I felt honor I should answer it, as it’s a subject very dear to my heart because as some of you may not know…

I was a constant victim of bullying growing up that caused my lack of social interest and failed to develop the social awareness and skill to interact with the world and people normally.

So here’s her question:

“I read the article The Art of Conversational-Combat Jujitsu and found
it EXTREMELY helpful. Before, I would just walk away and try to ignore
it, but this way, I won’t regret not saying something and will also
have a little fun with it. I was bullied from 10 1/2 to 16(by the same
two girls)with prank calls almost every day and they even pretended to
be me on a blog site for aboot 6 months before I found out. It
disgusts me that they not only wasted my time with that, but also
their childhood playing with me like that. Their bullying was more
subtle than “Fuck you”. It was more, they made fun of the way I
talked, left messages pretending to be me, listened to what I said to
others and then called me making fun of it(even the times I didn’t
think they were around!) I’m really worried about them now because
they’re in the same career field as me(acting),and I’m very scared of
running into them at an audition or, even worse, get a job with them.
I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to handle it if,
worst case scenario, I ran into them and they start spreading rumors
about me to others to discredit me. There’s ALOT of cattiness and
bitchiness in acting, but it’s just them I’m worried about. I’m strong
enough to handle when others I haven’t known for a long time are
bitchy- I can easily forget it and just say to myself”Well, there’s
alot of that here”, but because these two had power over me as a kid
and especially for such a long time, when I’m reminded of them, I
start feeling the exact same way I did then. Small, under their
control, “They’re going to keep doing this to me”. They’re (all the
bitches in acting)alot more subtle with insults like, they’ll say “Hi,
it’s so good to see you! How’ve you been?”etc., but they’re tone will
be very cold and venemous, if that makes sense. Are there ways I can
handle that fake nice tone that they and others will do in the
future?

Sorry this is so long…”

MY RESPONSE:

Good to know I have at least some female fans, even though the content are meant more to help guys.  So thank you for that.  What an awesome boost to my ego?  Just kidding! I’m not that cocky, but actually very humble at heart.  😉

Now to your question…

Yes, I understand where you’re coming from.  What we’re all taught is to be thick-skinned and ignore the bully as a way to stop being bullied; however, we can’t help but have this feeling of dissatisfaction for at least not attempting some comebacks, so I’m really glad that article has helped you.

I know exactly what you mean since you have known these 2 girls for a long time, you feel like they have some sorts of power over you, while for other people you don’t know you don’t care.

You have…what is referred to as an anchor, after years of social conditioning with these 2 female individuals, who are your bullies.  You’re going have to break it.

To illustrate, it’s kind of like a master and servant type anchor, where the servant has been taught to obey (social conditioned) and never rise up against the master.  Since you sort of grew up with these 2 girls, there is a powerful long-term anchor, almost like a role you placed yourself in, and they keep seeing you as this person they can bully after all this time.

Just like how parents can’t accept the reality of their sweet daughter all of a sudden grown up; they still see them as this little girl.

You really have to STAND UP for yourself!

Do something about it now before it builds up inside you, and you’ll either hate yourself for not taking action or take the blame to somebody else or carry that baggage to your work and your life.

One reason why bully messed with you is because they know you won’t stay up for yourself, and since you guys kind of grew up together, they think they know that you’ll be able to tolerate it and won’t stand up.

You have to show them you’ll not that same scared person anymore.

A great story to tell you…one of my good friends was bullied growing up by the same kid.  Until one day he had enough, he actually got up and smacked that bully right across his face and went all violent on him.  The table had turned.  It was so unexpected, people just didn’t know where that came from and didn’t know who this was all of a sudden.  It did cause a scene because he was this good kid and didn’t want to stand up to this bully because he didn’t want to ruin that image in his parents’ and teachers’ eyes.  But let alone for what it’s worth, from that day forward, he stopped being bullied

(For some martial arts tips, I’ve also written an article about handling physical fights.)

Now I am in no way condoning you use violence because you can land yourself some serious assault charges.

Ask them, “Why are you doing this to me?” , “Why do you hate me so much?”, “What have I ever done to you?”

Get to the heart of the matter.

I know that this may be unconventional and unexpected, but try this.

At least they should stop bothering you, or you might even possibly turn them into potential friends…and if this does happen, the feeling of guilt from them could emerge.

Love after hate is a very powerful emotion.

Having friends is better than having 1 enemy, especially since you said you guys are in the same industry.

If it does continue to get worse, although I’m no way a lawyer, you should consider getting legal advice.  For slander and defamation, you can certainly take legal actions against these perpetrators. Such behaviors likes these are intolerable.

But that will be the extreme case.

Show them you’re not longer somebody to be messed with.

Look, we’re all bullied to make us stronger.

Hey after all…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…remember?

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