I have always stressed about the importance of social calibration to know how to respond to get the best ideal outcome; the ideal response you give will generate the ideal reaction back from the other person you want…with whatever that goal/motive may be.
That is ultimately what social mastery is.
Now for those of you who are familiar with acting and theater, should be quite familiar with this concept of reaction.
If you notice anything about really cool social people is that they have strong reactional skills.
What do I mean by “reactional skills“?
It is how you react to the other person to their words and behavior.
You give them a reaction that makes them feel heard, understood, and good…and they will love you for it.
Most social people if you notice are very in tune with their emotions…so reactions come easily for them, while logical people are NOT so much; therefore, they are not nearly perceived as social.
The problem I see with most guys is…the best way I can put it is…they “don’t react, effectively.”
When somebody tells them a story or comment, they remind there like a flat statue, like “huh?” like they don’t know “how to react or what to react to that.”
That’s because they are lacking strong reactional skills but comes off as not caring what the other person has to say, which doesn’t make that person feel good having put forth the effort in talking to them and receiving back such lack of empathy.
Would you be talking to a statue?
Such assumption doesn’t do justice for these folks with weak reactional skills and simply may not know how to react.
Always give positive emotional value to the other person to make they feel good around you, and they will be addicted to your presence and never want to leave your site.
To be a social person, it’s more about how you make the other person feel, not how cool you want them to think you are…and they will want to be part of your world because you’re constantly giving positive emotional value.
I love the concept you have going on here about reactional skills. It’s the same with every action has a reaction. I still can’t help that all this comes back to your inner game that once you have fixed you can do this naturally.
You make a good point, but to work on your inner game you need to condition yourself with the action of doing. Inner game, permanent inner game at least that is, doesn’t work by just switching your thoughts, and you’ll magically have strong inner game every time; it’s all just an emotion. Competence comes from experience. Confidence comes from competence.
Read my previous article:
http://www.socialnatural.com/2010/the-myth-about-confidence-how-to-truly-build-confidence/
Even a single negative stimulus, such as a rejection, can affect you entirely when you’re out.
“Reactional skills” is how I broken it down structurally, to what you should do.
This was an interesting read. I never thought about reaction as a part of it all when I thought it’s best to be non-reactive.