The Myth about Confidence – How to truly Build Confidence?

There has been a lot of misconceptions about confidence and that it is the end-all-be-all ingredient to getting girls.

Now I am going to say something a little out there, confidence alone is just not enough.

There is a difference between acting confident (“faking it til you make it” as we like to call it) than truly being confident.

“Faking it til you make it” is great and will help give you the courage and self-beliefs to take action and persevere, but true confidence comes from when you’re really good at something, unconscious competent, without having to think about it.

When you are at that level of unconscious competent, confidence naturally falls into place because you have the skill set and know you will be able to do it well every time, unlike acting confident at what you are doing for a day doesn’t mean you will be confident the next day because you don’t have that competence to back it up every time.

Just like when you have been riding a bike all your life…

When you get on it, you are naturally confident because you know how to ride it; however that wasn’t the case when you started. You were scared because you didn’t know how to ride it and could had hurt yourself, even if you faked your confidence you would still not know how to ride a bike.

Or basically for anything else, like taking a standardized test, fixing a car, playing a new sport, do you think just having confidence is enough to make you do each one of them well?

NO.

Actually it is the other way around, knowing “what-to-do” and “how-to-do-it” and having the knowledge is going to build that competence and make you have that confidence.

When you are applying for a job, do you think they will just hire just because you are acting confident without ever having the proper training to efficiently perform?

Of course not because you could lose that job the next day after working with a lack of competence and have wasted their time and resources. They are more interested in specialized skill, knowledge, experience, expertise…your competence.

Same thing for when you are out in social gatherings and have no idea what to do when talking to girls or interacting with people; you can fake your confidence and be confident, but that doesn’t mean you will do well.

You can be the most confident person in the room…or least appear that way, but if you’re not skilled at interacting with the girl, you will just be a solid statue, as a metaphor I like to use…standing there like some great Greek work of art with such chiseled perfection no girls can resist, but unmovable and not ever saying a word to have a conversation with.

That’s a problem with a lot of information; they put confidence as the win-all, be-all solution to handle any problem.

Confidence doesn’t beat specialized skills.  Nobody is good at something based purely off of confidence; it comes from actually being able to do and perform, and confidence helps you get good at something by overriding the fear to take action.

Confidence doesn’t make you better, competence does, and confidence results from that.

Here is my quote, I want you to remember:

“Competence comes from experience. Confidence comes from competence.”
– Gabriel Angelo

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