Do you ever find yourself in a conversation, and you’re just able to talk-and-talk like a motor-mouth, and you’re thinking to yourself, “Sweet! I’m such a gifted talker. Everybody’s listening to me. This is so awesome.”
However…
Then the conversational topic switches to something you completely have no clue about…you become quiet like a statue frozen from time, craving those past glory-moments when the spotlight was on you running your mouth-marathon on something you knew and loved talking about.
Ego bruised man. Your 15-seconds of fame is over.
Or is it?
Also, what about if you randomly meet and jump into a social group of people when you’re out and have nothing in common to talk about in the group dynamics?
“I’m hearing a lot of crickets tonight dude.”
In situations like these, you can do the standard…of just asking questions-after-questions (“boooring”) and listen and act like you’re interested, or constantly switch to topics back in your territory of knowledge to allow yourself to keep talking about yourself and what you know, but then you’re hogging the entire spotlight like an egomaniac turning people off; and there’s no need to be selfish all about “Me! Me!” my friend.
But a long time again in a galaxy far, far away…
There were these mystical folks who can jump into any social group of people and talk about anything regardless how irrelevant or specialized the topic is, whether nuclear quantum physics or 8-dimesional space for example, that would normally put everybody tongue-tied.
These legendary conversationalists were able to keep a social interaction going on a conversational topic they know zero-squat about.
And they were NOT constantly asking questions-after-questions like an interview just to show their interest.
What’s going on here? How are they able to do this, without knowing anything about the topic or having conversational materials like amateurs do?
What’s Their Secret?
“And no, it ain’t the Force.”
The secret is what I called “reactional skills“…which is a part of your social skills. Unlike the social skills of “listening skills,” reactional skills you both listen and you react.
Now you’re not trying to be a talented actor by being fake in your reaction, you want to be honest and genuine.
Have you ever notice how emotional people tend to be better communicator and conversationalist in social gatherings?
They have stronger empathy capability than to…say a non-emotional logical person, who has a harder time expressing empathy and emotions causing weak reactional skills.
Intelligent people tend to be more logical than emotional…that’s why geeks, nerds, and introverted-inclines have more difficult time in any form of social dynamics interaction and environment; but it has more to do with a lack of reactional skills.
This is a common thing why sociopaths are not social-beings exhibiting antisocial personality disorder because this part of their brain of exercising empathy is not there so they can’t relate to people.
Most guys who are not good with talking to women (or anybody for that matter) nor hold a conversation naturally comes more from an inability to react off of what is said, rather than the common excuse of can’t think of what to say next.
Ironically, constantly trying to think what to say next while the other person is talking due to your insecurity of believing you have nothing to say causes your of lack reactional skills within the conversation.
What Can Be Done About It?
Ok this might come off as New Agey of hippies, but allow yourself to feel and love more.
Learn the power of empathy in your social interaction and conversation. So much we get caught up in our head worrying about what the other person might think about us or how to proceed from here.
Put your ego or anything “I” about you aside and focus the “YOU” of that other person. Allow yourself to be in that person’s shoe and be able to relate to them. Don’t think, don’t judge, but see through their own lenses to feel how they feel…and let those emotions reflect back into you to react naturally to them.
This will work to build your natural reactional skills instead of it being contrived fake and ungenuine.
I’ll admit this is not always that easy even for me. I’m a very logical person at heart and used to look down on anything emotional because they were not objective facts and truth but subjective of the individual (hey I am an Aquarius by the way); but I’ve come to appreciate and embrace it.
You have to practice everyday like a muscle because as adults most of the daily tasks we do are logical-dominant based, so it’s not easy to get in touch with that emotionally-creative brain.
That’s why I recommend you get involved in something that stimulates it daily, like a hobby-reactor. Theater and acting are great, as well as for learning natural human reactional behaviors and nonverbal-cues and also great verbal lines for conversation materials.
The End Results
This even make you a far more likeable and charismatic person. I know for some of you are taught to not to give a fuck if you’re likeable or not and going around pissing everybody off, but trust me, it will come back and bite you. There is never anything wrong with being likable and will only help you in life
This will not only be helpful in social situations, but even within your professional life, for instance at business networking events, where you’re an accountant have no clue about practicing law, or any special-interest group…reactional skills are all you need.
No matter how many lines or conversational materials you memorize…do you expect to have enough for every unique occasion or when the topic changes to something you never prepared for?
But with with strong reactional skills, even on the most random bizarre conversational topics, you can react to what the person said and come up with responses on the fly and build upon that conversational thread naturally.
Work on your reactional skills muscle to help you whenever you’re in any conversation or social interaction you know nothing about tongue-tied…to react effectively back to the other person naturally.
This is only a taste of what you’ll discover in my Ultimate Conversation Course. If you like to discover more advanced conversation strategies, visit Ultimate Conversation now!
(To download the PDF version saved to your computer for easy reference, go here.)
(DOWNLOAD – Secret to Having Great Conversation on Something you Know Nothing About)
I like your idea of reactions in talking to people, but easier said than done. This would just be listening with enthusiasm would it not.